you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Even my vagina gasped.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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