with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
