1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
