I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
