It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
