In the future we'll all be gay
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
