i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So much Jack, so little girl.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
