Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
