I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
