why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize