I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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