So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize