She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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