I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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