I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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