I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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