my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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