Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
