seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
