I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
