someone get that fucking seahorse.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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