Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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