I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
