weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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