This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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