So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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