this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
