Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
