ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
