My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
