im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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