Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
