he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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