So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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