...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
