please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
