i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
