I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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