bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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