Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
