Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
