I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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