Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
