I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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