I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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