You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
