i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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