can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
