I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
