She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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