Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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