omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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