someone threw a dead crab at me
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
