I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
