I just made out with a guy for $7.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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