i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
