i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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