dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
