I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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