mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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