Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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