3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
