its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
