I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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