I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
thus making me awesome and them whores
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
