any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
