meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
