If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
