I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
