Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
