How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
